WORLD CUP
Ellis Park, Johannesburg, South Africa
Referee: Carlos Batres | Attendance: 55359
* Local time based on your geographic location.
Watch Live on: ESPN3.com, MobileTV, ESPN 3D, ABC
COMPLETE TEAM
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Goal
Shot
Video
Goal
Shot
Video
Shots (on goal)
tackles
Fouls
possession
Paraguay
-
40%
60%
Spain
Paraguay
| Line-up | ||
|---|---|---|
| POS | No | Name |
G |
1 | Justo Villar |
D |
2 | Dario Verón |
D |
3 | Claudio Morel Rodríguez |
D |
14 | Paulo Da Silva |
D |
21 | Antolín Alcaraz |
M |
8 | Édgar Barreto |
| M | 13 | Enrique Vera |
M |
11 | Jonathan Santana |
M |
15 | Victor Cáceres |
| F | 19 | Lucas Barrios |
M |
16 | Cristian Riveros |
F |
7 | Óscar Cardozo |
F |
18 | Nelson Haedo Valdez |
| F | 9 | Roque Santa Cruz |
| Substitutes | ||
| POS | No | Name |
| G | 12 | Diego Barreto |
| G | 22 | Aldo Bobadilla |
| D | 4 | Denis Caniza |
| D | 5 | Julio César Cáceres |
| M | 6 | Carlos Bonet |
| M | 13 | Enrique Vera |
| M | 17 | Aureliano Torres |
| M | 20 | Néstor Ortigoza |
| F | 9 | Roque Santa Cruz |
| F | 10 | Edgar Benítez |
| F | 19 | Lucas Barrios |
| F | 23 | Rodolfo Gamarra |
Spain
| Line-up | ||
|---|---|---|
| POS | No | Name |
G |
1 | Iker Casillas |
D |
3 | Gerard Piqué |
D |
5 | Carles Puyol |
| D | 4 | Carlos Marchena |
D |
11 | Joan Capdevila |
D |
15 | Sergio Ramos |
M |
8 | Xavi |
M |
14 | Xabi Alonso |
| F | 18 | Pedro |
M |
16 | Sergio Busquets |
F |
6 | Andrés Iniesta |
F |
7 | David Villa |
F |
9 | Fernando Torres |
| M | 10 | Cesc Fábregas |
| Substitutes | ||
| POS | No | Name |
| G | 23 | Pepe Reina |
| G | 12 | Victor Valdés |
| D | 2 | Raúl Albiol |
| D | 4 | Carlos Marchena |
| D | 17 | Álvaro Arbeloa |
| M | 10 | Cesc Fábregas |
| M | 13 | Juan Mata |
| M | 20 | Javi Martínez |
| M | 21 | David Silva |
| M | 22 | Jesús Navas |
| F | 18 | Pedro |
| F | 19 | Fernando Llorente |
Match Stats
- Paraguay
- Spain
| 9(4) | Shots (on goal) | 16(6) |
| 25 | Fouls | 12 |
| 1 | Corner kicks | 7 |
| 2 | Offsides | 1 |
| 40% | Time of Possession | 60% |
| 4 | Yellow Cards | 2 |
| 0 | Red Cards | 0 |
| 2 | Saves | 3 |
[Comment from Chris\' Pants]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Chris Jones: For Leander, Jemele, Luke, Boss, Stats the Unicorn, and the good people of Paraguay, we thank you. Good night!
Chris Jones: I'm off to find my dignity, as well as a new pair of pants.
Chris Jones: Thanks for joining us tonight everybody.
[Comment from Andy]
Be honest... each side got a penalty. Both chose to screw it up.
Chris Jones: MOTM: Andres Iniesta? Okay.
[Comment from Murph]
Today, not a good day for this hemisphere
[Comment from Bitter]
Special thanks to the refs for deciding yet another game for the players!
[Comment from Q]
Spain-Germany sounds MUCH BETTER than Paraguay-Germany. Thank you Villa and Casillas.
[Comment from crea]
so much for those south american teams
[Comment from Ed]
WOOOOOOOOOOO
[Comment from the first half]
im glad my twin brother second got the exciting genes of the family.
Chris Jones: Casillas receiving many hugs. I'll give him one myself.
Luke Cyphers: Lots of people in press center are cheering, and it's not because they're Spain fans. Just relieved it's over.
[Comment from Excitement]
Ok. Back to the bar everyone. Maradona is buying the house three more rounds before he flies back tonight.
Chris Jones: IT'S ALL CAPS TIME!
Chris Jones: AND INTO THE SEMIS TO FACE GERMANY!
JemeleHill: Thankfully.
Chris Jones: 1-0!
Chris Jones: SPAIN WINS!
Chris Jones: THAT'S GAME!
Chris Jones: Another free kick.
Luke Cyphers: Del Bosque is excited.
Chris Jones: Free kick Spain.
Chris Jones: Oooh... Luke crushes me there.
Chris Jones: I haven't seen Santana cause this much hurt since he paired with Rob Thomas.
Luke Cyphers: Ramos just wanted a bigger head band.
[Comment from Big Al]
Umm.. It aint over till chris's pants sing?
[Comment from American Sports Fan]
Is it not sad that you have to qualify it as "legitimately" down?
Chris Jones: Head is being wrapped -- bleeding from the forehead, but he's up.
Luke Cyphers: Boot to the head.
[Comment from Yunny]
Elbow, meet face. Now boot, meet face.
Chris Jones: Legitimately down.
Chris Jones: Ramos is down in the box after getting kicked in the face by Santana.
Luke Cyphers: Ramos kicked in the head.
[Comment from Bob]
I wish my job was to announce extra time
Chris Jones: Villas scored one. Casillas has stopped three.
[Comment from Obvious to Chris Jones]
What about Villa? Games are won on goals not saves.
[Comment from Phil]
Awesome Luke. LOL
Chris Jones: Three minutes of extra time.
Chris Jones: Barrios with the first Paraguayan shot, Santa Cruz with the second. Wow.
Luke Cyphers: Some hot goalie-goalie action
Chris Jones: Casillas has to be Man of the Match if this thing holds.
Chris Jones: Spain countering. Villa! Stopped!
[Comment from Chris\'s worst nightmare]
*cue suspenseful music* Here I come Chris, the equilizer....
Chris Jones: Two great saves by Casillas from point blank!
Chris Jones: Paraguay almost!
Luke Cyphers: Chris is choosing to ignore you, Stats
Chris Jones: Nice elbow to the head.
Chris Jones: Yellow to Santana.
ESPN Stats and Info: Spain has twice given up game-tying goals in the 90th minute. Robbie Keane in 2002 and Seo Jung-Won in 1994.
[Comment from Guest]
That's the biggest stat curse I've ever seen.
Chris Jones: STATS! SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH!
ESPN Stats and Info: In the fifth try, it would be Spain's first ever win in the quarterfinal stage of the World Cup.
Chris Jones: ... and I still love David Villa.
Chris Jones: Spain passing it among themselves...
Luke Cyphers: Leander comes off for Chris. Let's hope Chris can hold the lead.
Chris Jones: Villa takes a long shot, high and wide.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: I'll leave you in the very capable hands of young Christopher now, as I prepare my grades for after this game!
[Comment from Steve]
Definitely the most ridiculous game of the world cup so far
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Carles Puyol off for Carlos Marchena.
[Comment from the spanish nation]
Thank you Villa. Once again you are my savior.
ESPN Stats and Info: Villa's fifth goal of the tournament takes the lead for the Golden Boot.
[Comment from Kyle]
VIVA VILLA!!!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta played it off to Pedro, who hit the post. Villa on the rebound hit it, it hit the right post, then the left post and then it went in.
[Comment from Pulse]
Give Spain credit. They did their best to miss that one.
[Comment from Jesse]
FINALLY SOMEONE'S GOING TO WIN.
Chris Jones: David Villa! I love you!
Chris Jones: That was hilariously futile.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: After hitting the post three times, it goes in!!!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: 1-0!!!!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: SPAIN!!!!
Luke Cyphers: I'm not Leander, but I'll venture a guess: Paraguay is giving Spain everything up to the final pass, and really putting pressure on Villa, letting nothing get to the box.
[Comment from From Work on a Saturday]
Daisy, because they are not Germay
[Comment from Daisy]
Leander...why is Spain having so much trouble?
[Comment from Wit]
Hey lets cut Chris some slack(s), so he can fit into them..
[Comment from Bruce Springsteen]
You know nothing of my work....
Chris Jones: That no one will make.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: This game looks destined for penalties.
[Comment from lunch]
i think im going up
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Villa almost got his head on a cross from Capdevilla. But not quite, of course.
[Comment from Dave]
You're about to revisit your lunch if you see Chris without his shirt Boss
The Boss: Can we change the subject? I just ate my lunch.
[Comment from Jester]
Chris in Daisy Dukes looks like a Walrus Flossing
[Comment from Nigerian Government]
I'll shut myself down before I look at Chris topless.
[Comment from Body Fat]
You have more of me, Chris.
[Comment from surfer]
chris in low rise jeans would look like a martini glass
[Comment from Alcohol]
Let's keep the game going
[Comment from Ugandan]
No, that's me shaking in fear at the thought of Chris taking his shirt off
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Sergio Ramos's ball into Iniesta is wasted by a bad touch.
[Comment from Da Weef]
Or nausea?
[Comment from 55,359 in attendance]
Please put it back on
Leander Schaerlaeckens: That's desire coursing through his body.
[Comment from Guy]
I thought that was also the number of people that could fit into your pants, Chris
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Surely the two are correlated.
[Comment from Jeff]
Chris, that seems like an abnormally high number, any ideas why?
Chris Jones: Ugandan beside me is now shivering uncontrollably. I've taken off my T-shirt.
JemeleHill: I ran out of magic already. Sorry.
[Comment from Ned]
Jemele, make someone score. Please.
Chris Jones: Otherwise known as attendance.
Chris Jones: 55, 359 people here.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Pedro on for Xabi Alonso.
JemeleHill: I wish, trust me
[Comment from Excitement]
Jemele is at the bar with me doing tequila shots
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Curved just off the target!
Chris Jones: I know how to spell chalk everybody. I was going with the theme.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Xavi just wide from distance!
JemeleHill: Right here, posting your witty comments
[Comment from Travy]
Where's Jemele?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta into the box! Gets to the back line but he plays it off a defender for a corner.
Chris Jones: Fortunately, we learned earlier that Paraguay makes a lot of chock boards.
Luke Cyphers: No, they're chocking up their missed PKs
[Comment from Luke Cyphers]
sup
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Villa makes it well into the box, goes down but doesn't get the call.
[Comment from Thomas]
I think it would be "el chocking"
ESPN Stats and Info: Iker Casillas becomes the first goalkeeper to save a penalty in two different World Cups.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Chance for Paraguay, but the shot is blocked.
Chris Jones: Is that Spanish for choking?
[Comment from Spain]
Oh there some thing in my throat i think im CHOCKING
Luke Cyphers: Puyol wins the hair-off.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Roque Santa Cruz is on for Nelson Valdez.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Even though Villar seems to touch it Paraguay gets the goal kick.
ESPN Stats and Info: Roque Santa Cruz is now without a goal in 799 minutes at the World Cup. His last and only goal was eight years ago in the 2-2 draw with South Africa.
[Comment from stephen]
paraguayan goalie totally gets his eyebrows waxed
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Xavi's free kick curls and sails, and curls and sails, and finally goes over by just a little.
[Comment from Chris\' Pants]
MMMMFFFFFF, MMMFMFFFMMF!!!!!
[Comment from Sudbury]
We don't have pants big enough for you Chris, sorry
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Yellow to Morel.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Free kick to Spain after Busquets is sawed off at the ankles.
[Comment from Phil]
You mean 'honour'. Chris is Canadian
[Comment from Penalty Kick]
You'll see more of me later
[Comment from Big and Tall Shop]
We honor you Chris
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Capdevilla sets up Iniesta at the edge of the box but his shot goes well over.
ESPN Stats and Info: Spain entered the 2010 World Cup converting 14 of 14 penalty kicks. The country has missed two in this tournament.
[Comment from FIFA]
The Nigerian Government should not interfere with business involving Chris' pants.
[Comment from Nigerian Government]
I'm getting ready to shut down all this talk about Chris's pants.
[Comment from Ross]
C'mon ESPN Stats, give us some stats of Chris' workout plan
Chris Jones: Eighty years! Glad I was here to see it?
Chris Jones: It's what I do in airplanes to my fellow passengers' personal space.
[Comment from T]
What does Encroachment mean?
ESPN Stats and Info: The last time two penalties were saved in the same World Cup match was in 1930 in a match between Argentina and Mexico.
[Comment from Germany]
Do we *really* have to come over there and show you all how it's done.
[Comment from Kipa]
G made me laugh.
[Comment from G]
This game has met about as many goals as Chris's workout plan
[Comment from Chris\' Pants]
I'm still alive
Chris Jones: Let's recap. Paraguay gets a PK, Cardozo stopped by Casillas. Spain immediately gets a PK of their own, taken by Xabi Alonso, who scored, but it's disallowed for encroachment. On the retake, Villar makes the save. All to say, ZERO-FRIGGING-ZERO.
Luke Cyphers: Thank you for saying it.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: It should be said, on Paraguay's penalty kick, the Spanish were WAY into the box!
[Comment from Hope]
Can the Nigerian govt shut down this game?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: They were piqued to score them though.
Luke Cyphers: Some peaked PKs
[Comment from Johany]
And Maradona Said Spain gets all the calls/
[Comment from Q]
What a ridiculous game. Only in a Paraguay match will it still be 0-0 after back to back PKs...
[Comment from Fat Lady]
Look, if you can't decide then I'm not coming.
[Comment from Dacon1508]
Ghana's Asamoah Gyan: "penalty kicks aren't so easy now, are they?"
[Comment from Jason]
That call was right. Spain ought to know better. Elementary mistake
Luke Cyphers: yes. sadly
[Comment from detMike]
Was that the right call by the referee on spain running too early, Luke?
Chris Jones: Watching the replay of the stopped Spanish penalty, Villar might have pulled down Fabregas on the rebound.
[Comment from Stunned]
I'm having a heart attack
[Comment from Xabi Diggler]
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
Chris Jones: Nice stop by Villar there.
[Comment from Excitement]
Ok guys, I'm heading back to the bar for a drink. See ya.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta attempts a curling shot from the edge of the box but it's swatted away by Villar.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: The corner rolls to Xabi who goes for a shot but is blocked. At the other end, Paraguay tries to break out but it's blocked.
[Comment from Brian]
how many 47th floor buildings are there in Spain?
Luke Cyphers: Sad
[Comment from Drew]
I can't tell if this is funny or sad
[Comment from Murphy\'s Law]
I'm in effect today, kids.
[Comment from Nathaniel]
Wow this is insane! I have never seen something like that!
Chris Jones: Xabi Alonso... Not cool.
Luke Cyphers: By the way, Xabi Alonso is the lost member of the Wahlberg family.
[Comment from Optimism]
I just flatlined....
[Comment from Josh]
Ref wants goals, but the teams apparently don't.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: It goes behind for a corner!
Chris Jones: Please kill me.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Stopped!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: The Spanish were into the box too soon!
JemeleHill: You have got. to be. kidding me.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: It has to be retaken!
ESPN Stats and Info: Iker Casillas has now saved two penalties, tied with Jan Tomaszewski and Brad Freidel for most in World Cup history.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: No goal!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: What!?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: GOAL!
Luke Cyphers: Fits of pique lead to PKS
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Fabregas will see if he can do better.
Chris Jones: This referee is awesome. He wants goals, too.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: And so on and so forth.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: They're not picky about the PKs.
Chris Jones: Let's see if he takes this one.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Villa had his man beat and was then clipped.
Chris Jones: Remember, Villa missed a PK earlier this tourney.
Luke Cyphers: I think we're experience peak PK
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Villa was bowled over after he broke out in the penalty box!
JemeleHill: Wow, another penalty
Leander Schaerlaeckens: PENALTY TO SPAIN!
[Comment from Bert]
Could it have happened any other way?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: A laser at Casillas, who stops it with one firm grab!
Chris Jones: Casillas is going to get some good loving tonight. Mostly from me.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Stopped!
Chris Jones: Noonan!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Can't stand the buzz.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Cardozo to take it.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: A little action at long last.
[Comment from Guy]
I thought Chris ripped his pants for a moment there
[Comment from Excitement]
I'm here now boys, what did i miss?
[Comment from Dave]
now we have a pique.
Chris Jones: Pique had a pretty good hold there.
[Comment from Ryan]
WOW. Big turn of events
Luke Cyphers: Pique PK
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Pique with a yellow.
ESPN Stats and Info: Spain has completed zero of 12 crosses in the match.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: PENALTY FOR PARAGUAY!
Chris Jones: Oh, no.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Corner to Paraguay.
Chris Jones: There's my radiant warrior bride again.
[Comment from Da Weef]
Ugandan has less body hair.
[Comment from Uganda]
Is this the ice age?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Torres is off for Cesc.
[Comment from Jubalani]
Hell, even I'm bored!
Chris Jones: It's weird. Ugandan next to me is wearing a parka, a tuque, and a scarf. I'm wearing a T-shirt. One of us is wrong.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: So that's something to look forward to.
[Comment from Bowflex]
At least we're better than the Shakeweight
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Fabregas looks to be coming on.
[Comment from racial intolerance]
*cries*
Leander Schaerlaeckens: I'm not gone. There's just nothing happening that's worth reporting on.
[Comment from Twinkie]
Maybe if you put the Gold Bond on the peas, they'd taste better.
Chris Jones: A lot. You failed me, Gold Bond.
[Comment from peas]
*cries*
[Comment from Gold Bond]
Chafing a bit, Chris?
[Comment from nathaniel]
and bowflex commercials
[Comment from Gold Bond]
you will be hearing from our attorneys
Chris Jones: These are things I hate: peas, racial intolerance, Gold Bond Medicated Powder, those commercials for Canadian Tire with the smarmy dude and his ugly wife, and Paraguay.
[Comment from Matt]
Stats, what's the chance Chris resigns if Paraguay wins?
ESPN Stats and Info: Since 1986, no team has advanced to the semifinals without scoring a goal in either of its knockout stage matches.
[Comment from Lazy American]
Where's Ontario? Next to Paraguay?
[Comment from MJ]
We should give credit to Spain for reinventing Sominex
[Comment from Lil\' Statsie]
Fun Fact: Paraguay's last election ended in a 0-0 tie
Chris Jones: We call it Sudbury, Ontario, but yes.
[Comment from Travy]
Chris...You mean Sudbury, Canada?
[Comment from Keith]
Paraguay defense is looking very tired right now
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Villa makes the back line but his cross goes behind.
[Comment from Hell awaits]
Maybe we should credit Paraguay for good defense...it has happened before
[Comment from Sudbury]
Your not welcome Chris
Luke Cyphers: Spain: 13 passes before the throw in.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta on a promising run to the box, but he twists himself into trouble.
[Comment from leonel Messi]
I could show up and shoot bad shots if that would make everybody happy...
[Comment from Your Name]
can everyone make fun of chris again?
Chris Jones: Exactly.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Where the hell is Sudbury?
Chris Jones: Moved to Sudbury, I think. People who move to Sudbury don't exist anymore.
Chris Jones: It's a scoreless tie between them.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: What happened to Chris Hunt?
JemeleHill: It's coming awfully close
[Comment from lolwut]
is this game worse than japan vs paraguay?
[Comment from Couch Potato]
that doesn't sound like fun luke, sorry
Leander Schaerlaeckens: We can read license plates too, and add up the numbers.
Chris Jones: Puyol looks like this guy I used to know, Chris Hunt.
Luke Cyphers: Valdez and Puyol in a hair off
Luke Cyphers: Here's a fun game to play: Count the passes. Paraguay just had four.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Valdez almost gets on the end of a through ball, but Casillas beats him to it.
JemeleHill: ahem, *THOSE
[Comment from CAT IN THE HAT]
WAIT....THSOE ARE MY SOX WITCH
[Comment from Chris\' Self Esteem]
Me and Optimism are gonna go hang out
[Comment from Da Weef]
Pure joy at this end!
[Comment from The Hand of God]
There will be a goal in the second half. God wills it!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Oh dear. Both teams have returned and are back at it.
Chris Jones: Go Paraguay!
Chris Jones: That was a great halftime for me and my self-esteem.
[Comment from wicked witch of the east]
someone tell paraguay to give me back my socks
[Comment from Voice of Reason]
Too bad the commericals are over and the game has to start again..
Chris Jones: I am a meaty clearance, in soccer parlance.
[Comment from Jarrod]
Are there subways in South Africa? Chris you could get started if there are.
[Comment from Sam]
Chris merely exemplifies the Renaissance ideal of manly physique
[Comment from Healthy Chris]
I need to turn that "potential" energy into kinetic
[Comment from Chris\' Pant size]
No one should know me
[Comment from Gideon]
Chris is jolly, that's all
JemeleHill: And he would look equally awesome gliding across the floor in patent-leather shoes, Mr. Hammer
Leander Schaerlaeckens: I think Chris's size is just plain funny.
[Comment from M C Hammer]
Chris would look good in my pants.
Chris Jones: "I am typing stuff," is my favorite out-loud thought ever.
[Comment from Patrick Foley]
I am typing stuff. Why am I not being seen and these guys are getting seen over and over.
[Comment from Emily]
Chris you're just pleasantly plump
[Comment from RedNeck]
I think Chris is fun size
[Comment from physics]
Chris just has a lot of potential energy.
[Comment from Pat]
It's just love pudge, Chris
[Comment from BS]
Do you think that they will play soccer in the second half? or just run around again.
[Comment from Chris\' Pants]
Lee Dungarees
Chris Jones: That's actually my wife, folks. Nasty comments on Soccernet have nothing on her.
[Comment from Da Weef]
Of course I do... I'm Marge, you're Homer... I've come to terms with that.
[Comment from delta burke]
just big boned
[Comment from Kipa]
That just means there's more of you to love, Chris. A lot more.
Chris Jones: Old Navy swishy pants.
JemeleHill: What are you, a pair of Levis?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Chris is just tons of fun.
Chris Jones: I like to think of myself as loose fit.
[Comment from Dave]
I thought you were just husky Chris.
Chris Jones: Yeah, he has not been close.
Luke Cyphers: Spain must think it's good enough to allow Torres to play himself back into form in the midst of a World Cup. He's really trying, God love him, but those are some awful strikes.
Chris Jones: Ruh-roh. Wife doesn't love me as much when I'm fat. Or fatter, anyway.
[Comment from Da Weef]
I think you've had quite enough chicken burgers, Chris...
[Comment from Rehan]
Do you guys think Torres should be dropped from the Spain starting 11?
[Comment from Scott]
Chewbacca Masks!
Chris Jones: Time for a chicken burger?
[Comment from BS]
What time do you think it is Chris?
[Comment from Hmm]
Come back in 83 minutes for penalties!
Chris Jones: Because it's above for me. I think I've entered some weird time-space continuum.
[Comment from Steve]
Why is that Chris?
[Comment from Jonathan]
Game Recap: No Yellows, No Reds, No Shots, No Gols!
[Comment from The Internets]
Don't blame JR, he ain't been right since he got shot.
[Comment from Optimism]
Going back to bed. Wake me if a game breaks out
Leander Schaerlaeckens: One could say that by exposing himself to our ridicule, JR, in a sense, shot himself.
Chris Jones: That just blew my mind.
[Comment from Steve]
It is below Chris.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: That has to be the laziest comment ever, JR.
Chris Jones: See above, JR.
JemeleHill: Hey, Stats, go find a unicorn
[Comment from JR]
for those of us who were playing video games, could you give us a reader's digest of the last half?
ESPN Stats and Info: Spain completed zero of its 10 crosses from open play in the first half and finished without a shot on target.
Chris Jones: I believe they've announced he'll serve just the one game. He'll be eligible for the final if Uruguay makes it.
[Comment from Chris]
Anyone have thoughts on FIFA possibly extending the suspension of Suarez for Uraguay for the handball?
[Comment from Fat American]
What would be awesome is Fish Chips AND A Double Quarter Pounder. And a side of steak.
[Comment from A Brit]
Ill take my fish and chips over your Double Quarter Pounders any day.
[Comment from Greg]
I'm excited about the commercial break.
Luke Cyphers: And many shots missed by at least 10 yards, which is exciting in its own way.
[Comment from Dr. Vuvuzela]
I vote that someone unleash a lion on the pitch to spice things up
JemeleHill: I dare to be different.
[Comment from John]
Jemele you can use the space bar to separate your names in the name field.
[Comment from Dave]
Only one on frame too.
[Comment from Evan]
Wow, 7 shots. Total. Ouch.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: We watch this game so you don't have to.
JemeleHill: I don't hate soccer. I hate this game. Big difference.
[Comment from VA]
Why does Jemele comment on here if she hates soccer?
Chris Jones: What's all this dog talk all of a sudden?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Read the GameCast, so you don't have to watch this game.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: What kind of dog do you have, Jones?
Luke Cyphers: Sell it, Leander, sell it!
JemeleHill: Carnivore: I have been trying to figure this out for three weeks.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: The prospect of another half of this is daunting indeed.
Chris Jones: Sorry, was surfing the Internet, shopping for a dog coat.
[Comment from Carnivore]
Why is a chicken burger called a burger and not just a chicken sandwich?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Half of this game is over.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Thank you, God.
Chris Jones: One minute of extra time!
Luke Cyphers: Air ball.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Valdez broke out for Paraguay, but he skied his attempt.
[Comment from Kipa]
I think Chris is slitting his wrists right now, Leander. You take it.
JemeleHill: This game is so bad I may punish myself with a chicken burger.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Chris?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: One minute of ...
ESPN Stats and Info: Paraguay is 1-4-4 and Spain is 7-11-7 all-time at the World Cup when tied at the halftime whistle.
[Comment from Sasha Baron Cohen]
Paraguay is where my next character will be from.
[Comment from George Washington]
It wasnt a choice, Brit
[Comment from Paris Hilton]
Paraguay is like in California or something *cough* *cough*
[Comment from Patrick in OH]
Isn't it north of Scharlaeckensland?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Are you claiming that it was by choice, A Brit?
[Comment from A Brit]
Dumb Americans. We neve should have let you go.
[Comment from David Villa]
No one seems to mind if I'm offsides. Helped me beat Portugal
Leander Schaerlaeckens: It's on the outskirts of Madagascar...
[Comment from Map]
Its right next to Monoguay
[Comment from USA]
Everyone knows Paraguay is the last team from Asia, Shawn
[Comment from Typical American]
Paraguay is next to Egypt, right?
Chris Jones: Apart from offside, there was a hand ball on the non-goal too.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Or three more minutes for that matter.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Another game? How about another half?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Alonso plays it wide for Villa, who thinks it isn't for him and lets it go.
[Comment from FIFA]
New rule: If Paraguay plays another game like this, they forfeit.
[Comment from Shawn]
Not sure which is more likely to happen, an offensive outburst in this game or most americans even finding Paraguay on a map.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Cardozo had it lying in the back of the net.
Chris Jones: That wasn't offside by much, but it was offside.
[Comment from Murph]
GOA----
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Offside!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Paraguay almost!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta with a beautiful ball to Torres, who slips by a man and then tries to hit the moon with the ball...
[Comment from Ryan]
yea and italy won last world cup
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Suggestion for a new rule. Any team that can't muster more than 40 percent over an entire half loses by forfeit.
[Comment from NEDERLAND]
Paraguay is playing more boring then Italy does
Leander Schaerlaeckens: 61 possession to Spain now.
[Comment from lala]
So Paraguay brings down the level of their opponents so that they can beat them!
Chris Jones: Yeah, I'd hate to be in Cape Town, having watched that game. Would much rather be here, watching Paraguay.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Sergio Ramos gets room on the right and flicks in a cross which is easily headed away.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: I must say, Jones. I'm glad I was at Argentina-Germany, and not this poor excuse for a game.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Yawn.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Alonso is clipped by Cardozo.
[Comment from Me]
A lingerie model named Larissa will run naked thru the streets if Paraguay wins it all; go Paraguay!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Good!
[Comment from Thief]
Someone wake up the security guard and myself when it gets to penalties.
ESPN Stats and Info: Paraguay has won just two of its last 13 World Cup meetings with European teams.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: It was Santana, that nearly missed the header.
Chris Jones: Kipa, you're getting to know me too well, my friend.
[Comment from Kipa]
That was a layup joke, wasn't it Chris? Too easy almost.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Villa's limp shot goes wide.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Let's hope not, Max. I can't stand to watch that team for more than another 55 minutes.
JemeleHill: And yet somehow, we will all lose in the process
[Comment from Max]
I think Paraguay will beat Spain
[Comment from AJ]
47th floor guy come down now! They're not worth it! Paraguay is not worth it!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: An almost (almost!) inch-perfect cross zips by the head of a striker, presumably Cardozo.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Paraguay goes close!
Chris Jones: Apparently, they'll drag their nails down them for free.
[Comment from Parts Unknown]
Fun Fact: Paraguay is ranked as the world's third largest exporter of chalk boards...who knew
[Comment from Commenter]
WHO CARES ABOUT THE CAPITAL OF PARAGUAY? btw Chris.. I call your 1000 Suns and raise it 300 Million
Leander Schaerlaeckens: It passed them all by.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta had room on the right but he played it over to Torres, who was covered like a sweater by two men.
JemeleHill: May? You are weak, my friend.
[Comment from Mike]
I may have to refill my drink if this game slows down anymore.
Chris Jones: Asuncion can eat it, Nathaniel.
[Comment from Nathaniel]
Asuncion is the capital of Paraguay
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Capdevilla's free kick is deflected.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: You do important work though, Security Guard. Who will keep America secure?
[Comment from Chad]
The capital is Ascuncion, or spelled something like that, Chris
[Comment from Security Guard]
I think i will fall asleep first leander
Leander Schaerlaeckens: So the soccerbal goes.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta is brought down not far from the box but Morel, who quite clearly got him, is bothered that it was called. The Spanish, in turn, are bothered he didn't get booked.
ESPN Stats and Info: Xavi created eight goalscoring chances in his last match against Portugal, no player has created more in a single game at this World Cup.
JemeleHill: Chris, I'll go double on those suns.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: This game isn't helping me stay awake.
Chris Jones: I can't name a city in Paraguay, but Lord, I'm starting to hate that country with the power of 1,000 suns.
[Comment from Argentina fan]
ballboy.
[Comment from paul]
starring in a dos equis commercial
[Comment from Cold Tomato Soup]
five months from now he will still be in the bottom of a bottle of tequila
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Nuffink.
ESPN Stats and Info: 30 minutes into the match and Spain has ZERO shots on target to this point.
[Comment from Mike]
Maradona 5 months from now... rehab
Luke Cyphers: Hi. Signing in. What'd I miss?
Chris Jones: In my attic.
[Comment from Murph]
Five months from now, where could we find Maradona?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: If that ball had sunk more sharply, as the Jabulani sometimes has, it could have gone in.
Chris Jones: I'd say that was just a foot over the bar.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: With Spain piling on the pressure, he volleyed one but it went just over.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Close for Xavi!
[Comment from Hey Diego]
Looks like instead of receiving the Hand of God, this time you received The Finger from Germany.
Chris Jones: Sometime next Wednesday.
[Comment from From Work on a Saturday]
how long till Paraguay cracks? Chris, want to take a stab predicting that?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Torres got well into the box too, but he also found no room to operate.
JemeleHill: Flirting Commentor: The other day, we got a whiff of some elephant musk and it makes Sex Panther smell like Chanel.
Chris Jones: Riveros cleared that with authority.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Villa makes the back line but his cross is easily cleared.
[Comment from Flirting Commentor]
Ms. Hill, I put some Sex Panther just for you. . .
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Puyol was almost outrun by Valdez but made himself as wide as possible and blocked him.
[Comment from R. Burgundy]
Unlike Baxter and the cheese wheel, I am very disappointed with Spain's passing thus far. Sloppy football.
Chris Jones: Hurtful, Jinxes. Hurtful.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Torres was played into space but he couldn't get to the end of it. Xavi's ball was a little long, but Torres looked downright slow, a disconcerting sight for all who love Torres.
[Comment from Jinxes]
Chris, could saying nasty things about Paraguay have a similar effect to saying great ones about Maradona?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Iniesta, again not getting to a ball knocks down Riveros and is penalized.
ESPN Stats and Info: The Spaniards are unbeaten in their last five World Cup encounters with South American sides, conceding only three goals in the process.
[Comment from Get It Right!]
In my office I have many LEATHER BOUND Books
[Comment from Sloan]
In my office I have many books and my office smells of rich mahogany
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Spain with a proper 58 percent of possession here.
[Comment from Angry Paraguayan]
Chris: why do you blame us for others incompetence?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Spain with a bit of keep-away, but it ended with a ball that didn't reach Iniesta.
[Comment from Paris Hilton]
Catalina Wine Festival!
JemeleHill: Please get to work, Action!
[Comment from Action]
I, like Leander and Stats, also arrived.
JemeleHill: Remember, flattery will get you everywhere, as will Anchorman and Step Brothers references
[Comment from Nasty things]
i await our correspondence, chris
Chris Jones: And I believe Ms. Hill is handling comments for the most part tonight. Start your sweet talking, ladies and gentlemen.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: A long free kick from Paraguay sails over the head of Alcaraz on the box. But not by much.
Chris Jones: If Paraguay makes me sit through another 120 minutes of tedium -- as they did against Japan -- I'll personally write very nasty things about them.
ESPN Stats and Info: These two sides have met on three previous occasions, with two of them ending in goalless draws and Spain winning the other.
JemeleHill: Hmmm...we've never seen Leander and STATS in the same room at the same time
Leander Schaerlaeckens: All pleas for publication in this Cast should be addressed to Christopher Archibald Jones, who will be handling them.
[Comment from From Work on a Saturday]
Leander is actually STATS too, you think "The boss" would pay 2 emloyees, No!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: I've only glanced at this game while, erm, remodeling my computer, but it's looking like a drab one indeed!
[Comment from Thomas]
The return of Stats from that near-fatal narwhal attack!
[Comment from Optimism]
Thank you Stats. You've officially killled me....
Leander Schaerlaeckens: GameCast gold...
Leander Schaerlaeckens: One team boots it ahead. The other team takes the ball.
JemeleHill: And like chocolate-y goodness....he appears!
Chris Jones: I THOUGHT WE'D LOST YOU!
ESPN Stats and Info: Paraguay is playing in its first-ever World Cup quarter-final tie.
Chris Jones: STATS!
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Let's do a bit on this game then.
ESPN Stats and Info: Spain has never won a quarter-final tie at the World Cup, losing two of its four quarter-final ties on penalties including its most recent against South Korea.
[Comment from Ray]
Stats and Leander oh what jolly good fun await us!
[Comment from From Work on a Saturday]
Mr. Alphabets in the house!
Chris Jones: Wave has started here... Never a good sign.
JemeleHill: I love it, Leander arrives AND he's feeling saucy!
Chris Jones: Did you say hi to Diego for me?
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Stats should be on his way too.
Leander Schaerlaeckens: You'll be glad to know that I spent an hour waiting on Argentina to come through the mixed zone and that absolutely none of the miserable losers stopped to talk...
Chris Jones: Luckily, not much has happened Leander. A lot of throw-ins.
JemeleHill: The crowd was getting antsy. No Stats, no Leander. I'm not sure if they could have held out much longer.
Chris Jones: Yay! No more play by play by me...
Leander Schaerlaeckens: Hi, folks, at long last I've managed to get online. I have certainly not overslept. I was at Germany - Argentina and was knee-deep in other assignments. I'll be putting those on hold to take you through this game though.
[Comment from The Messiah]
the arrival of leander seems to be eclipsing the anticipation of my return..
Chris Jones: Not sure if that counts as a shot.
Chris Jones: Villar kicks a goal kick out the opposite end.
JemeleHill: I agree, especially coming off last night's Ghana game.
[Comment from Kipa]
I'm suffering from entertaining soccer withdrawal. This first 15 minutes has been kinda brutal
Chris Jones: Villar punches away a high ball from Ramos.
JemeleHill: I have a feeling our self esteem is going to take a huge hit when Leander arrives
[Comment from James]
Im suffering from leander withdrawal
Chris Jones: Not a lot happening for Villa or Torres yet.
JemeleHill: We have Shooter McGavin here, obviously
JemeleHill: in the rain...
[Comment from soccer guy]
spain will bring the pain
Chris Jones: Spain trying to put something together, but it's like picking a lock.
JemeleHill: We're professionals! We don't "root"...unless it gets us home quicker :)
[Comment from Mike]
Who are you rooting for, Jemele and Chris?
Chris Jones: Hey! A throw-in!
[Comment from Tim]
They need socks fashioned after a barber pole.
Chris Jones: Great tackle by Pique to start a Spanish attack... that's quickly ended.
Chris Jones: Sent high and wide by Morel. Not close.
Chris Jones: Long Paraguay free kick here.
Chris Jones: Sergio Ramos has been Spain's most involved player so far.
Chris Jones: Header by Riveros goes high and wide.
JemeleHill: PAR's kits make me want a candy cane. Or a picnic table.
Chris Jones: He expressed fairly open displeasure about that, Evan.
[Comment from Evan Gregory]
The fact that the Spanish are not starting Cesc Fabregas is sickening
Chris Jones: Paraguay pressuring again.
JemeleHill: Convenient how you left your name blank
Chris Jones: Hustle by Valdez there to hurry up Casillas.
[Comment from Your Name]
i think the winner of this match will go all the way
Chris Jones: Nice float by Alonso into the box off the corner, but no heads find it.
Chris Jones: Xabi Alonso attempts the long shot, deflected for a corner.
Chris Jones: Play is very tight at the moment. Incredibly close marking by both teams.
[Comment from Johnny Z.]
what pressure by Spain in the midfield
Chris Jones: Torres gets his first run but doesn't get very far.
JemeleHill: I'm going to try Candyman in a minute
[Comment from James]
Beetle Juice Beetle Juice Beetle Juice
Chris Jones: Very good tackle by Riveros.
[Comment from Nathaniel]
Abacadabra -- unicorn appear!!
Chris Jones: Paraguay is putting on quite a lot of pressure here. Wasn't expecting them to play so forward.
[Comment from Kipa]
Stats is - was - a unicorn, not a phoenix.
Chris Jones: Another throw-in.
Chris Jones: Spain now...
JemeleHill: He's like a fairy. You have to ask for him three times to appear.
[Comment from Wes]
Is Stats back for this game?
JemeleHill: Wow. Tough crowd.
[Comment from Dave]
Early poor defending
Chris Jones: Told you son.
Chris Jones: Santana gets a shot off for Paraguay... Nice attempt, good stop by Casillas.
Chris Jones: 30 seconds in, we have our second throw-in.
Chris Jones: And here we go.
Chris Jones: Paraguay with the opening kickoff.
Chris Jones: I wouldn't bet on that.
[Comment from Chris\'s Prediction]
One of the two teams scores a goal in the first 90 minutes.
Chris Jones: Villar and Casillas, both keepers and captains, running toward their goals.
JemeleHill: It is quite fetching over the Internet, isn't it?
[Comment from Josh]
can we have jemele do all the commentary. we like her pretty voice
JemeleHill: Oh yes, Esquire...that's right
Chris Jones: Esquire, I think you mean.
JemeleHill: Leander didn't oversleep. I'm sure he's somewhere with a smoking jacket, a martini, and a copy of Harper's magazine
Chris Jones: Spain in dark blue, Paraguay in red and white.
Chris Jones: All right, we're about to get underway.
Chris Jones: Heavily pro-Spain crowd here tonight.
[Comment from Nathamiel]
Did Leander oversleep again?
[Comment from Dave]
I am betting Chris' house on the result of this match.
JemeleHill: Things have been rocky for him, eh? Subbed out against Portugal. Wonder if that knee injury is playing with his mind still.
[Comment from Patrick in OH]
Torres with another start? Are they hoping THIS is the game he finally shows up?
Chris Jones: Anthems...
[Comment from Clarification]
Chris is talking about yellow cards.
[Comment from Couch Potato]
there goes chris, sticking with conventional wisdom again
[Comment from Patrick in OH]
You are an evil evil Canadian
JemeleHill: That's right Chris, don't let them deter you from sticking your neck out
Chris Jones: Oh, and Paraguay 6, Spain 1.
Chris Jones: My evil work here is done.
[Comment from Kipa]
I'm betting the house on whoever wins this next game, even if it's Paraguay.
Chris Jones: You know, I think Low has been doing a really fantastic job. I sure hope Germany keeps crushing people... [Think that'll do it, Kipa?]
[Comment from Kipa]
Germany fans have flooded Chris' inbox with pleas not to write about what a great job Joachim Low is doing
Chris Jones: A crisp, clear night here at Ellis Park. 55 degrees.
JemeleHill: And, of course, someone gets off the pot today, since neither of these teams have won a quarterfinal
Chris Jones: Yeah, because everyone predicted Germany would win, 4-0. How could I have been so wrong?
[Comment from From Work on a Saturday]
I read that article and actually thought Argentina was going to be winning 4-0, good job!
JemeleHill: This is PAR's first game in Jo'Burg during the WC
JemeleHill: Villa's got four goals in the last three games
JemeleHill: Admittedly, I'm no ESPN Stats, but a few interesting facts to chew on as we prepare for PAR-ESPN:
Chris Jones: Alas, no, Strategist. My fate has been sealed.
[Comment from Strategist]
Chris, if I mention that Argentina did not score within 90 minutes, will that distract people from the Maradona article?
Chris Jones: And vaguely sexy.
JemeleHill: Wow, that's kind of intimidating. The Boss?
The Boss: Leander, get to work.
JemeleHill: Good call. So much easier.
Chris Jones: I'm here Jemele! Although I'm using Ellis Park's wireless Interwebs... This is where the series of tubes ends.
[Comment from Leighann]
Jemele, just call him Leander Alphabets like Chris does. :)
JemeleHill: ESP: Casillas, Pique, Puyol, Iniesta, Villa, Xavi, Torres, Capdevila, Alonso, Ramos, Busquets
JemeleHill: PAR: Villar, Veron, Morel, Cardozo, Barreto, Santana, Da Silva, Caceres, Riveros, Valdez, Alcaraz
JemeleHill: I'm sure you all are ready for Paraguay-Spain, so without further ado...the start lists...
JemeleHill: Good afternnon ladies and gentleman. I'm sure my fellow writers will be joining me momentarily, including crowd favorite Leander Sch....I'm not going to even try to spell that.