ESPNsoccernet - Global - What a pest!

ESPNsoccernet: Global

Saturday, May 19, 2012
What a pest!

Jon Carter

Off the Ball never rests in its mission to scratch around the underbelly of professional football to find the most bizarre, humorous and inexplicable stories. This week, a load of fans get their European capital cities mixed up; a Balotelli may or may not have drunk his brother's urine; Blackpool are riled by a fake West Ham shirt; Gonzalo Higuain walks into a door (and says ouch); and Arsenal's camping trip looks just plain weird.

397 miles apart: What a pest!

Imagine the scene: your club has reached a cup final in another country, you get on the phone immediately to book your ticket for the game, you shell out the cash for flights and a hotel room, you make sure you know the way to the stadium, you get the right money and you're all set. Except for one thing: do you know where the country is? Evidently around 400 Athletic Bilbao fans did not when they decided to charter a jet bound for Hungarian capital Budapest instead of Romania's Bucharest, where the Europa League final against Atletico Madrid was actually taking place. The Basques landed 397.54 miles away as the crow flies and, though many tried to make alternative arrangements, they could not get to Bucharest in time - with most watching the game on Hungarian TV. At least they weren't the only ones to make a fool of themselves as the official UEFA stadium announcer at the National Arena greeted supporters in Bucharest with the message: "Good evening, Budapest!"

Don't eat yellow snow

He's a crazy man, Mario Balotelli, which evidently means the reports of various antics are greatly exaggerated or sometimes simply made up. This week, we were told that younger brother Enoch drank Mario's urine for a bet of Ł5,000 while on a night out. "One night Mario told his brother Enoch he'd pay him Ł5,000 if he drank his wee," Balotelli's self-confessed 'secret girlfriend', Chloe Evans, told The Sun. "Enoch said he would, so Mario went off, weed in a glass and passed it to Enoch. He took a big gulp. Everyone went 'Yuk' but Mario thought it was a riot. I asked Enoch if Mario gave him the cash and he said yes. They thought it was so funny." Enoch, 19, who is having a trial with Sunderland, quickly moved to deny the story, though. "It is not true that I drank Mario's urine," he told Kumasi-based Angel FM. "It was a long time ago but I remember we made a bet which I won but had nothing to do with urine. She (Evans) lied and when I saw it in the papers I laughed and so did Mario when I told him over the phone." Still, it makes more interesting reading to hear about Mario's home life, as Chloe revealed he was one of a kind: "There's nobody else like him in the whole world. It's like being in the best Disney film you've ever seen. The fantasy, fun and action just never seem to stop. Being in Mario's life is a whirlwind of toys, sweets and kids' games. His house is like a children's playground - everything is just mad. About the only thing he didn't do was to throw a foam pie in my face."

A right Hammering

West Ham had to quickly deny the accusation that they had already had their Premier League kit made up for next season this week. The Hammers, who are in the Championship play-off against Blackpool this weekend, were the victim of a prankster who mocked up a new shirt with a Premier League logo and released it on the internet. Evidently it was enough to fool Seasiders defender Ian Evatt, who branded West Ham ''disrespectful'' after hearing of the photo and also accused the East London club of being overconfident going into Saturday's Wembley showdown. "If you listen to them, they're already up aren't they? If I was them I wouldn't be counting my chickens just yet because what I have learned over the past five or six seasons is these players never give up," Evatt said. "A guy has just told me that their new kit's come out with Premier League badges on, which I think is jumping the gun a bit and it's disrespectful towards our group of players." A statement confirmed the jape and read: "West Ham United can confirm that reports of replica shirts being produced with Premier League badges on ahead of Saturday's play-off final are completely erroneous. The photograph of a shirt is a hoax and in no way connected to West Ham United Football Club. Comments made as to the conduct of our club in regards to our opponents on Saturday, Blackpool, are also false and have, again, nothing to do with the club.''

Video of the week Football players can't always be expected to know where they're going, although they should be able to keep track of things like walls, holes and... um... doors. Real Madrid star Gonzalo Higuain will have to reassess his life (and maybe see a nose specialist) after this rather amusing incident at Kuwait International Airport

More than words...

Facebook is a strange beast as Arsenal proved this week when they released some of the creepiest pictures possible to promote this weekend's "Junior Gunners Camping on the Pitch" event. Per Mertesacker and Gervinho were the happy campers, although they look a bit too happy. ©Arsenal

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