Ian Holloway says there is as much chance of DJ Campbell returning to Blackpool as there is of the Tangerines boss "wearing high heels and calling myself Sheila".
Campbell 30, scored 36 goals in 72 appearances across three prolific spells at Bloomfield Road before he left to sign for hometown club QPR in a £1.2 million deal last summer.
However, the former Birmingham and Leicester striker struggled to hold down a regular place with the Rs and appears certain to be allowed to leave by Mark Hughes.
A return to Blackpool had been mooted, but Holloway says the club cannot afford Campbell's wages.
"I don't think there's a chance in a million years we'll be able to do a deal to get DJ back," Hollway told the Blackpool Gazette. "Because of how much they are paying him at the moment at QPR, it's not going to happen.
"We are about as close to re-signing DJ Campbell as there is of me wearing high heels and calling myself Sheila. I do apologise, I'd have loved to have brought DJ back.''
Ahead of the new season, which begins tomorrow with a Capital One Cup first-round clash at home to north west neighbours Morecambe, Holloway is without another striker in Kevin Phillips with a hamstring injury, along with defender Bob Harris with a back problem.