Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp denied tax evasion by telling police ''I couldn't even fill a team sheet in'', a court heard on Thursday.
In tape recordings played at Southwark Crown Court, Redknapp said: ''I can't work a computer, I don't know what an email is, I can't, I have never sent a fax and I've never even sent a text message. I have a big problem, I can't write so I don't keep anything. I am the most disorganised person, I am ashamed to say, in the world.''
Redknapp told officers he had not seen his pay slip in years as he said: ''You talk to anybody at the football club. I don't write. I couldn't even fill a team sheet in.''
Under questioning over the Monaco account at the heart of the £189,000 bung allegation, the Tottenham manager added: ''I pay a fortune to my accountant to look after me you know. He writes all the cheques for me and my wife. He pays my bills. He runs my life basically.''
Redknapp told officers in June 2009 that the Sun, who he writes regular columns for, ''hadn't paid me for 18 months''.
He said: ''I've never wrote a letter in my life. I couldn't write a letter. I write like a two-year-old and I can't spell. Why am I gonna fiddle 20, 30 whatever thousand pounds of income tax when I walk away six months later from £200,000 that I was due?''
The tape was played out after jurors heard Redknapp made ''disastrous'' business decisions and lost £250,000 in a ''very unsuccessful'' takeover bid at Oxford United where he lost every penny according to HSBC executive Alan Hills.
Meanwhile, Redknapp had sole responsibility for the Monaco bank account at the centre of £189,000 bung allegations, said David Cusdin, vice-president of HSBC in Monaco between 2000 and 2005.
Cusdin also described co-defendant Milan Mandaric as ''a perfect gentleman''. Giving evidence via videolink, Cusdin said he was aware that Redknapp had flown to the principality to open an account.
''I was certainly aware of his visit - it was quite possible that I didn't open the account, it was one of my team - but I was certainly aware of the visit,'' Cusdin told the court. ''I don't have a recollection - but I could well have shaken his hand at the meeting.''