We've all been there. Heading to school, the dread gnaws away in the pit of your stomach, because the ineptitude of your beloved football club or country means you will be the target of the playground jibes.

Now imagine being an English boy growing up in Germany in the 1990s and early Noughties when the Nationalmannschaft's honours read 'Euro 96 winners, 2002 World Cup runners-up', while England's could be boiled down to yet another penalty shoot-out defeat to the very country in which ...

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