Man City megalomaniac tastes bitter reality
This was the week when Marco Materazzi mocked the Italian Prime Minister, Rene Higuita ended his career with a trademark scorpion kick, Manchester City megalomaniac Gary Cook tasted bitter reality and Manchester United signed Sergio Aguero... sort of.
Higuita signs off with scorpion kick
Most football fans remember colourful Colombian goalkeeper Rene Higuita for two things: being tackled by Roger Milla during one of his trademark walkabouts as he conceded a costly goal at the 1990 World Cup and his 'scorpion kick' at Wembley in 1995.
This week the 43-year-old marked his retirement from the game by recreating one those famous moments, and it's no surprise he opted for his acrobatic clearance from off the goal-line rather than the error that cost Colombia a place in the quarter-finals of the World Cup.
During an emotional farewell match in his hometown of Medellin, 'El Loco' donned his old green and white Atletico Nacional shirt to play against a Colombian all-stars team, including Carlos Valderrama and Faustino Asprilla, and signed off with 'scorpion kick', along with some trademark dodgy 'keeping from a free-kick. In typically dramatic fashion, Higuita told the fans: "It is impossible to know you and not love you."
Man City megalomaniac tastes bitter reality
Outspoken Manchester City executive chairman Gary Cook claimed this week that his football club "are, without doubt, going to be the biggest and best football club in the world," so it must have come as a huge blow when Santos upstart Paulo Henrique Gansu dished out a cold dose of reality.
Henrique, who, along with fellow Santos youngster Neymar, were supposed to be part of the complicated deal that allowed want-away Man City flop Robinho to return to his boyhood club, said: "I don't want to play for Manchester City. I'd prefer to play for a big club in Europe such as Milan, Real Madrid or Barcelona."
Ouch! Look away now Gary! And just for the record, Cook's claim that "when, not if, we are at Wembley, having beaten Man United yet again" received equally short shrift when City were dumped out of the Carling Cup semi-final on Wednesday night.
United sign Aguero in web of intrigue
The editors of Manchester United's official website set the pulses of the club's fans racing this week when they set up a player profile page for Atletico Madrid striking sensation Sergio Aguero.
Aguero, 21, is one of the most highly-rated prospects in world football and rumours that United were set to sign the Argentina striker spread like wildfire once the page was made public. However, a spokesman claimed it was all a blunder and said: "It was just an unfortunate technical anomaly."
Well, the 'infinite monkey theorem' states that a primate hitting keys at random on a typewriter for a perpetual amount of time would eventually reproduce the works of William Shakespeare, so maybe a 'technical anomaly' can manifest itself in the name of Sergio Aguero.
But United are not the only team to fall foul of private pages falling into the public domain. Back in August 2008 Chelsea's website advertised Robinho shirts for sale in the club store, only for the Brazilian to sign for Manchester City.
Free the Cristiano one
Real Madrid rely on the goals of Cristiano Ronaldo to such a degree that the club have launched an astonishing campaign to get their superstar of the hook following his red card for elbowing Malaga defender Patrick Mtiliga in the face.
Poor old Mtiliga may have suffered a broken nose but that didn't stop CR9 following up his Oscar-worthy plea of innocence on the pitch with a post match claim that "the red card is a disgrace".
Real's hierarchy appealed the decision and Real Madrid PR machine AS cobbled together some arm swinging antics of Barcelona darling Lionel Messi, for which he escaped punishment, and asked their Los Blancos supporting readers to spot the difference.
And thanks to our friends over at 101greatgoals you can judge the elbows-akimbo contest for yourself.
No masking Materazzi prank
Italian defender Marco Materazzi is no stranger to controversy and despite not playing a single minute of Inter's derby win over AC Milan this week still managed to land himself with disciplinary charge.
Materazzi, famous for goading Zinedine Zindane into his career ending headbutt in the 2006 World Cup final, celebrating his side's 2-0 victory running onto the pitch wearing a rubber mask of AC Milan owner, and Italian Prime Minster, Silvio Berlusconi.
The 31-year-old was quick to brush off the incident as a bit off post-match banter. "It was just a derby prank, nothing more," the Italian told his official website. "I'm sure that Berlusconi, as president of Milan and above all as a person with great self-irony... will have smiled seeing me."
The Italian league disciplinary panel eventually let Materazzi off with a warning.
VT of the week: Van Gaal nosedive
Bayern Munich manager Louis Van Gaal got so excited following Arjen Robben's winner against Bundesliga rivals Werder Bremen that the Dutchman decided to stumble head first into the dugout.
The result briefly took Bayern to the top of the league before they came crashing down like the Van Gaal himself when Bayer Leverkusen beat TSG Hoffenheim 3-0.
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