Erotic Iniesta, Hope Solo gets naked
Off The Ball never rests in its mission to scratch around the underbelly of professional football to find the most bizarre, humorous and inexplicable stories.
This week, A Bayern Munich couple are caught having sex in the stands during match, Claudio Borghi says watching Andres Iniesta is like "an erotic dream", Tony Adams dines with Jesus, Pele is set to play again for Santos and USA women's goalkeeper Hope Solo strips of for ESPN.
Chile coach has sexy dreams about Iniesta
Chile coach Claudio Borghi must be even happier than Andres Iniesta himself that the Barcelona star has finally returned from a hamstring injury after likening watching the Spaniard playing football to having "an erotic dream".
European and Spanish champions Barcelona have long been universally hailed for their brand of sexy soccer, but for Borghi there is only one agent provocateur.
"Iniesta is like an erotic dream... when he plays you just want it to go on for a little longer, you don't want it to stop." Borghi is quoted as saying in Sport.
High praise indeed! But while thoughts of Iniesta might bring great pleasure, the prospect of facing his Barca team-mate Lionel Messi when Chile take on Argentina in a World Cup qualifier this weekend is more of a nightmare. "I am football-minded," Borghi said. "I will not force anyone to go man-to-man on him."
Bayern couple caught having sex in stands during match
We've all been stood in the stands, bored witless by a 0-0 stalemate, longing for a bit of action. But few, if any, of us have concluded that the only thing that can possibly spice things up is to whip down our pants and indulge in a vertical romp in front of 30,150 football fans.
Yet, that's exactly what two travelling Bayern Munich supporters, who have obviously never discovered the boredom-busting qualities of a hot cup of Bovril, opted for during a goalless draw at Hoffenheim this week.
The incident was spotted and recorded by a reader-reporter for Bild, who said: "I thought it did not look right. They had absolutely no inhibitions. Both pulled their pants down and went at it. The people around them apparently were not disturbed."
Although the pair were quickly stopped in their tracks by the ground staff, they went at it again during the half-time interval and were eventually ejected from the Rhein-Neckar-Arena under threat of arrest for public indecency. [Inevitable joke alert] But at least somebody scored during the game.
Dream dinner dates
With Tevez-gate XII threatening to rumble on even longer than Tevez-gate XI it's no wonder that Roberto Mancini opted for some divine intervention from the Pope, a word in the ear of Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour and a soothing ditty from Paolo Mantovani when he was asked to select his ideal dinner dates in a poll this week.
Mancini should also have included a linguist, considering that Tevez and his agent Kia Joorabchian continue to blame the whole refusing to play thing on a mistranslation, even though Sky Sports News has had the Manchester-hating, £200,000-per-week, bench-warming refusenik's post-match TV interview verified by two independent experts.
Anyway, the poll, conducted by Eurosport and the LMA, asked 20 managers to name their top three dream dinner guests and aside from an interesting snap-shot into the minds of various football coaches it also posed the question of which theoretical party would be the most fun attend.
After quickly dismissing the bloodcurdling trio of Geoffrey Boycott, Bono and Don Revie at Leeds manager Simon Grayson's soiree, Off The Ball would be heading round to Tony Adams' house to join Sir Alf Ramsey, Jesus and Scarlett Johansson for a suitably bizarre knees-up. But which dinner would you prefer to join?
Gianfranco Zola - Father, wife, Diego Maradona
Harry Redknapp - Muhammad Ali, Vincent O'Brien, Bobby Moore
Paul Ince - Wife, John F Kennedy, Tiger Woods
Paul Lambert - Elvis Presley, George Bush, George Best
Roberto Di Matteo - Julius Caesar, Claudia Schiffer, Robert De Niro
Sam Allardyce - Nelson Mandela, Muhammad Ali, Sir Alex Ferguson
Sven Goran Eriksson - Nelson Mandela, Pope John Paul, Barack Obama
Chris Coleman - John F Kennedy, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix
Tony Adams - Jesus Christ, Sir Alf Ramsey, Scarlett Johansson
Simon Grayson - Geoffrey Boycott, Bono, Don Revie
Roberto Mancini - Paolo Mantovani, The Pope, Sheikh Mansour
Rafa Benitez - Julius Caesar, Al Pacino, Napoleon
David Moyes - Mother, Tommy Burns, Kylie Minogue
Gustavo Poyet - Fernando Morena, Michael Jordan, Wife
Neil Warnock - Queen, Barbara Streisand, Brian Clough
Steve McClaren - Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama, Sir Alex Ferguson
Alex McLeish - Robert Di Niro, John Lennon, Muhammad Ali
Alan Pardew - Muhammad Ali, Barrack Obama, Spike Milligan
Peter Reid - Elvis Presley, Jesus Christ, Angelina Jolie
Chris Hughton - Martin Luther King, Muhammad Ali, Bill Shankly
Pele to play for Santos
Brazil legend Pele is set to resume his playing career and put Argentina's World Player of the Year Lionel Messi in his place. Okay, so that might not be a completely accurate statement but the 70-year-old has actually been asked by his former club Santos to play in the Club World Cup in Japan and really could face Messi's Barcelona.
The idea is the brainchild of Santos president Luis Alvaro de Oliveira Ribeiro, who plans to register Pele to play in the 2011 tournament to give the team's greatest ever player the chance to complete a hat-trick of world club trophies and Santos the merest snippet of publicity.
"It struck me that Pele was a three-time world champion (1958, 62 and 70) with the national team but only twice with Santos (62 and 63)," Ribeiro explained to Radio Globo. "Pele was positive and promised to train to get fit and participate for a few minutes, if possible. I have talked to [coach] Muricy [Ramalho]. Now the only stumbling block is Pele. He would be registered with the number 10 shirt."
The Club World Cup takes place in December between the champions of each continental federation, with Santos (CONMEBOL), Barcelona (UEFA), Monterrey (CONCACAF) and Auckland (Oceania) already qualified. Pele will most likely be trotted out for a few minutes against one of the minnows but with Santos expected to contest the final against Barcelona, the world's greatest players past and present could feature on the same pitch.
Video of the week
USA women's goalkeeper Hope Solo gets naked for ESPN The Mag Body Issue... what more do you need to know? Click here to see Hope Solo bare all 
.
More than words...
 Bayern Munich's Bastian Schweinsteiger, Frank Ribery and Philipp Lahm arrive at Oktoberfest in traditional costume. |
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• You can follow me on Twitter at @ESPNsoccernetFC
