Few of us like Monday but The Fifth Official does, for it brings with it a chance for him to point the finger and laugh. Here he pulls out the pretty, the puzzling and the downright pig-ugly from a week brimming with potential victims.
Glee feat. AVB
No manager should ever look this delirious after such a big result. Were Accrington Stanley to go to Old Trafford in the Auto Windscreens Mickey Mouse Cup and thump Manchester United 7-0 then maybe you could accept such child-like glee from their manager, but not from a club who harbour, frankly hilarious, designs on the Premier League title.
For such a tightly coiffed cool customer, the sight of Andre Villas-Boas staggering about as if he was a normal punter who's just discovered he's won the lottery for the second time in two weeks was deeply unsettling. Mind you, perhaps if he had shown the same kind of 'huggy bear' tendencies towards his former Chelsea mob when he was in charge he'd still be Roman's lapdog.
Still, there's no denying what a momentous win it was for Spurs, their first at Old Trafford since 1989, or how funny it was to see the hospitality laid on by Manchester United's defence. This ropey old start to the season has clearly wobbled Lord Fergie, who insisted it was "an insult to the game" that his side weren't allowed to play on until they equalised. After all, Howard Webb usually affords them that luxury.
It's up to Giroud
It was billed as a battle between genuine title contenders, but how could it be when it also featured Arsenal? This was the match that saw Steve Bould fall from his pedestal. The former centre-back used to live for set-pieces, gobbling up strikers of all shapes and sizes, but after his shocker against Chelsea, methinks Laurent Koscielny might be booked in for some extra one-to-one sessions this week.
As much as it pains me to say it, and as much as it will pain Gooners to hear it, what they really need is a presence like pantomime villain John Terry at the heart of their back line, marshalling, cajoling and pulling people into place. That man is used to constructing a defence, whether it is on or off the field.
Not that Arsenal didn't have chances to pull themselves back from the precipice. It's just a shame their big late chance fell to Olivier Giroud, who clearly took less from his midweek goal against Coventry than the 60,000 fans inside Emirates Stadium thought he might. It'll take plenty more goals to pull that particular Frenchman out of a seemingly bottomless well of no confidence.
Hugh are you, Suarez?
Luis Suarez clearly likes playing against teams that wear yellow. It's a colour he clearly feels completely at ease with given the amount of bookings he's had in his Premier League career for simulation and dissent. For the second successive year he potted a hat-trick at Carrow Road, and managed to offend the most placid fans in the Premier League - with the possible exception of Fulham.
It is only through the tele one gets to speculate on his character but I'll wager that rather than basking in the glow of a brilliant hat-trick in East Anglia, Suarez will still be seething about what he perceives as a potent and prolonged persecution from referees when it comes to awarding penalties. Leon Barnett basically executed an Ippon inside the area, complete with karate chop, but such is Suarez's reputation for diving, he was given short shrift.
After a month of looking good but losing, Brendan 'David Brent' Rodgers finally got the performance and the result to match. Chris Hughton got neither and is still searching for his first Premier League win as Norwich gaffer. Perhaps it is time he took a leaf out of Brendon's book and turned to an inspirational leader for some advice.
Despite the autumnal weather on Merseyside, I've a wacky theory as to how David Moyes has fostered a flying start to the season for Everton - who at this stage of the campaign are usually on a par with Wigan in terms of points garnered and performances produced - he's hoodwinked them into thinking it is January.
Clearly, part of their pre-season routine involved a hypnotherapist, who shunned his regular routine of making people cluck like chickens in favour of a more complete hoodwinking, while Moyes sneaked round the training ground flipping all the calendars over to the first month of 2013. It's the only way to explain their best start since 2004, and current, title chasing, form.
Fair enough, it was only Southampton they brushed aside but with impressive victories over Manchester United and Swansea already under their belt some of their play on Saturday certainly qualified as Cava-football - the level below champagne football. The only problem Scary Moyes has is when the real January does come around, and all his players have booked three week holidays in Marbella.
Around the grounds
After a dream start to life in England, Michael Laudrup is now finding out that the Premier League is not all sunshine and lollipops after all, and his footballing philosophy will have been shaken to its core at Stoke. While Swansea insisted on creating pretty passing patterns, the Potters hoofed the ball into their opponents' box repeatedly, leading to two goals by Peter Crouch - the top flight's answer to Lurch from The Addams Family.
While Edin Dzeko played super sub to hand Manchester City victory at Fulham, his strike partner Sergio Aguero took a blast at the officials. The Argentinian reckons British players are treated differently by referees, whose job is to work out "who is tricking him and who is not." I wonder why that is Sergio?
And it would be churlish not to end with a word on Steve Kean, who has done more than most to fill copy in this column for the past year. Apparently spared the boot at Blackburn after a desperate plea from his wife, stories then circulated that Kean had been sacked but still turned up to work the following morning. He then finally quit, claiming his position had become "untenable" and released a statement which included reference to the now defunct "Premiership". Even in despair, still providing laughs. That guy.
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