Toe Poke Top 10: Majestically nonchalant own-goals

Posted by Chris Wright

For no other reason than us loving to giggle at other people's misfortune, we at Toe Poke thought we'd get busy and compile a comprehensive ten-strong list of the finest, most majestically nonchalant own-goals we've ever clapped eyes on -- or at least find existing video footage of.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we shall begin (with a real beauty!)...

10. Gareth Barry, Southampton vs. MAN CITY, 2013

So clinical and subdued that it's almost surreal...


9. Lauren, Man City vs. ARSENAL, 2003

Shades of Thierry Henry here, in which the Gunners' Cameroonian right-back sprints 20 yards after a long loose ball, calmly brings it under control at the first time of asking and then proceeds to roll a delightfully delicate finish past his own goalkeeper…


8. Vasilis Torosidis, Romania vs. GREECE, 2013

With Greece 1-0 up against Romania in last year's World Cup qualifying play-off, Torosidis drew his opponent's level by sending a beautiful curling shot into the top corner of his goalkeeper's net from the edge of the area. Thankfully, Greece went on to secure a 4-2 aggregate victory.


7. Stefan Seufert, FC SCHWEINFURT vs. 1860 Munich II (2. Bundesliga), 2013

In which midfielder Seufert absolutely smashes one past his own 'keeper from the half-way line like it isn't even a thang...


6. Giourkas Seitaridis, PANATHINAIKOS vs. Lazio, 2012

If you looked up "rolling it home with consummate aplomb" in a football textbook, this is what the accompanying illustration would look like...


5. Tony Popovic, Portsmouth vs. CRYSTAL PALACE, 2004

Here we see the distinctly un-flamboyant Croat-Australian centre-half’s finest contribution to the Premier League scrapbook: his sublime, back-heeled own-goal during Palace’s 3-1 defeat to Pompey at Fratton Park in 2004…


4. Ernesto Galan, XEREZ CD vs. Sabadell, 2013

Everything a great own-goal should be: technical, audacious, completely beyond replication and it lost Xerez the game in the 95th minute...


3. Terry Leake, FINN HARPS vs. Derry City (League of Ireland Premier Division), 1989

Venerable O.G classic here in which Leake nabs the ball away from one of his own players, taking his time to get everything under control in his own box before scooping a truly delightful finish over his own keeper in a flawless display of finesse and technique...


2. Inigo Martinez, Georgia U21 vs. SPAIN U21, 2011

Back-heeled volley lobbed deftly over David De Gea from 30 yards out, anybody?


1. Festus Baise, SUN HEI vs. Citizen AA (Hong Kong Premier League), 2011

Here we are people: the very pinnacle of the art form. It really does not get any better/worse than this!

Put it this way; we sincerely hope that we live to see the day Sun Hei defender Baises' "flying reverse scorpion kick" O.G is knocked from the summit of our 'greatest own-goals ever witnessed" list - for it shall have to be a monumentally glorious effort to topple this...



There we have it people; the very best own-goal - nay, the very best GOAL FULL-STOP - to have ever been scored by any human being ever.

Festus Baise, we are forever in your debt.

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