Police accuse female Zenit fans of sneaking fireworks into Dynamo Moscow's stadium in the grossest way possible

Posted by Chris Wright

Dynamo Moscow's game against Zenit St. Petersburg in the Russian Premier League had to be abandoned in the first half on Saturday after Dynamo 'keeper Anton Shunin was injured by firework thrown into his goalmouth from the Zenit supporters located behind the goal.

Shunin was immediately admitted to hospital where doctors found he was suffering from a 'chemical burn' on his cornea as well as heavy inflammation and partial temporary deafness in his right ear. Not pretty.

Despite only lasting a little over half-an-hour, the game was marred by crowd trouble with 92 fans detained for, among other things; offensive chanting, flares being lit, low-level arson and criminal property damage (over 500 seats were torn up and thrown in the general direction of the pitch).

Police also scrutinised CCTV footage to pinpoint the fan responsible for hurling the firework at Shunin, only to find the guilty party was a female Zenit fan. Therefore, after sweeping the Khimki Arena, police raided the ladies' toilets as part of their investigations into the Shunin incident, only to find 'two dozen' unrolled condoms discarded in the bins.

According to Russian news outlet Interfax, the police are now fully certain that the woman or women responsible smuggled the flares past stadium security and into the Khimki ‘using condoms, in an intracavitary way', i.e, they opted for the old 'drug mule' approach.

To anyone who was eating at that point, we can only apologise.

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