Toe Poke Christmas Special: Football's Dodgy Xmas Jumper Disasters

Posted by Chris Wright

Whether we're talking about a studded leather straitjacket, a bleached-blonde "half beard" or indeed a full-length designer gentleman's skirt, footballers in general are no stranger to the odd sartorially questionable fashion blooper.

Couple that with the current fad, the grim Christmas knitwear, and you've got yourself a stew goin', friends -- a thick, itchy, wool-flavoured stew with no redeeming features whatsoever.

With our complete and utter disdain for anything remotely resembling "faux festive cheer" smouldering deep in our waters, we at Toe Poke decided to take a Grinch-like look at the worst of the dodgy footballing knitwear on offer this Yuletide.

Liverpool's official store

Available alongside the infamously hideous reversible Anfield jacket/matching shirt is this: the Reds' official Christmas Granny jumper.

Other / waatp

Still beats their away kit this season, mind you!

Dixie Dean, Everton

In a bid to spread some festive cheer before their recent game against Fulham, the Toffees dressed the statue of the club's record goal scorer outside Goodison Park in a Rudolph (the blue-nosed reindeer, in this case) cardigan truly befitting the great man.


Ben Foster, West Brom

Foster is nursing a rather nasty injury at the moment, so the Baggies keeper has had plenty of time to pursue his first love: modelling spectacularly naff Christmas jumpers on Twitter.

Phil Jagielka, Everton

Here's an interesting bit of trivia for you: Jagielka has only picked up a single yellow card in his past 101 competitive games for club and country -- though he'd definitely have a straight red to his name for his taste in Yuletide knitwear if we had anything to do with it.

Now there's a jumper that contravenes several "elf and safety" regulations!

Ryan Shawcross and Asmir Begovic, Stoke City

When even Jon Walters is slating you for looking awkward and out of place, you know your life has probably hit a low ebb.

Emmanuel Frimpong, Lukas Podolski, Per Mertesacker, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Lukasz Fabianski, Arsenal

"Spreading festive cheer"? By the slightly anguished looks on their faces, we'd argue that the Gunners look more like they're "spreading the acute nausea bought on by gorging on one too many Brussels sprouts" ...

Cillian Sheridan, APOEL

We suppose a begrudging doff of the cap is due to former St Johnstone striker Sheridan, who had the you-know-what to wear this festive monstrosity on live television for an interview with BBC Scotland's Sportscene back in 2011 ...

Ravel Morrison and Carlton Cole, West Ham

What's the only thing better than a Christmas jumper? A Christmas dressing gown of course -- not that Ravel is remotely impressed ...

Roll on Jan. 1, 2014, we say! Bah, humbug!


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