An Ode to Coloccini

Posted by James Whittaker

Peter Crouch goes off against Newcastle after a blow to the mouthGettyImagesPeter Crouch goes off against Newcastle after a blow to the mouth

In light of Stoke's upturn in fortunes that coincided with Peter Crouch being injured on the sidelines, here's a light-hearted ode to the Newcastle defender he collided with, Fabricio Coloccini:

You came to the Britannia, and gave us a helping hand
Your hair flowing in the wind due to the gap in the South Stand
A hard afternoon ahead, but against Crouch it was easy
A swift elbow later and poor Crouchie was queasy

Your elbow salvaged our season, your Argentine bones
It meant that Pulis just had to use Jones
All of a sudden we had purpose, movement and pace
We'd hoof it into the channel and Kenwyne would chase
'He's got hair like Whoopi Goldberg' the Boothen would roar
He'd run, he'd harry, he'd leap and we'd score.

Our season turned around, with Jones we're much better
With Crouchie up front we're just so much wetter
The performance against the Scousers was our best in some time
It was impossible to ignore the effect of our number nine
We scored three that game, taking all three points
It was all down to you and your overactive joints

We scored another three against Southampton the game after
Making Jones' exclusion to date look all the more dafter
That Frimpong from Arsenal would call Kenwyne 'Dench'
It's criminal he spends so much of his time upon the bench
But despite his form, Pulis had already marked his card
Crouchie was fit again, returning with a fetching mouth guard

And so Jones was benched, unceremoniously dropped
In came Crouchie and our form immediately flopped
Stoke sliding down the table, hurtling towards the bottom
Tone says we've no service but then plays Walters and Shotton
Jones managed without and should have kept his place
But Pulis continues, cutting his nose off to spite his face

For his brief inclusion we thank Fabricio and say good job
In recognition for his efforts, that, and he looks like Sideshow Bob
If it wasn't for you Fabricio we'd be well and truly in it
For a while though we'd go into a game knowing we could win it
But it's back to statues up front, no more goals, no sign of a thriller
Saturday's game is now crucial, at home against the Villa

Will Pulis swallow his pride and bring Jones back into the team?
The crowd would react, they'd cheer and they'd scream
So make it happen Tony we'll reward you with a din
Or just go with Crouchie and we'll get Coloccini back in

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